Parts Work Coaching: How Leading Your Inner Parts Creates Lasting Change

We live in a culture that worships clarity and consistency. So when we experience internal conflict, we see it as evidence that something is broken. That truly successful people should be unwavering in all situations, clear about what they want, aligned in their actions.

But what if we've got this entirely wrong?

Take a client of mine who was incredibly successful, constantly pushing herself to achieve more. On paper, her life looked enviable: senior leadership title, loving family, impressive track record. Yet by the time we started our coaching, she was exhausted and carried a deep seated belief that she was failing in some way.

She could stand up for her views in a boardroom and command attention, answering complex questions with ease and political savvy. But she also went round in circles overthinking an ambiguous email that she received from her boss.

How could that be? Which one was authentically her? The confident one or the one full of self-doubt?

Parts coaching is like conducting an orchestra - bringing your inner parts into harmony instead of letting them play out of tune.

This is the kind of conflict many of my clients recognise.

Most of us live with some version of it, yet we've been taught to see it as a problem to solve rather than wisdom to understand. And my client, also, came to coaching wanting to be "fixed" into a more confident version of herself.

This pattern isn't unique to her. It's part of something much larger happening in our culture.

As a society, we are obsessed with self-improvement and silver bullet solutions. At the heart of it is the belief that we are flawed.

We chase happiness through new jobs, improving bodies, house renovations – convinced this is the missing ingredient. Only to find out that while the new shiny achievement might give us joy, it's usually short-lived as we end up exactly where we started happiness-wise.

That's the problem with chasing outside-in change.

What I see through my coaching is that lasting change – whether in health, relationships, or confidence – doesn't come from behaviour tweaks or great life hacks (although I do love a good one). Instead, it's about something much more fundamental. It's about getting to know yourself at a deeper level but also abandoning the myth that there's one 'authentic you' waiting to be discovered.

We are all made of different parts that show up in different situations. This is called multiplicity.

Think of how one part of you might long for rest, while another insists you keep working. Or how one part pushes you to get lots done to keep anxiety at bay, while another urges you to hold back to avoid failure.

Change happens when we really get to know these different parts and understand what they're trying to protect.

The concept of having different parts has been a theme in my work for years.

Transactional Analysis, which is deeply ingrained in how I coach and see relationships, shows us that we're made of different ego states that we shift into depending on what's happening around us – all genuine parts of us, shaped by our upbringing and the systems we live in.

The work I've done with many clients on the inner critic also recognises that we have entire teams of critics and mentors within us. I’ve consistently observed that exploring this introduces a new dimension of compassion and understanding toward the forces that shape us, rather than following the popular but unhelpful advice to silence the inner critic. And that in turn led to change.

Through my training in Internal Family Systems, I’m deepening this knowledge and integrating it into my practice to open new dimensions of work with clients.

Let’s come back to how parts were showing up for my client, and what their intention was.

The confident part of her that came alive in the boardroom was protecting her by ensuring she looked strong, capable, unshakable. The anxious part that picked apart emails was also protecting her - but in a different way, scanning for danger, trying to prevent mistakes that could expose her. They seemed at odds, but both were working hard on her behalf.

There was a common denominator - both were trying to manage her fear of not being good enough.

Some parts protect us, some compensate for what we fear we may be lacking, others carry vulnerability and pain. They often show up in the body as tension, impulses, or emotions.

When she began to see these parts not as flaws to fix, but as different parts of her inner system with good intentions, something shifted. Instead of being caught in their tug-of-war, she could step into self-leadership - leading her parts with curiosity and compassion, rather than being led by whichever one was loudest.

Coaching with parts helps surface these hidden dynamics and invites a profoundly different relationship with yourself. I help clients understand how their various parts show up and relate to each other - often revealing patterns they've never noticed before.  

This work has been equally transformative for me as I explore my own internal landscape. The power lies in how it cuts straight to the heart of the matter, often much faster than traditional approaches.

You may be reading this and thinking it sounds deeper than the coaching you're used to.

You might even be wondering: isn't this therapy?

After all, we're taught that therapy is where you go for this kind of deep inner work.

To be clear: this is not therapy.

While parts work originated in therapeutic settings, coaching takes a different approach. We don’t go into past trauma or aim to heal deep wounds – that belongs with therapy. In coaching, we focus on the parts that are active in your present challenges, helping you understand their intentions and relate to them with compassion and choice.

That alone can be deeply liberating.

Ultimately, the goal of this work is self-leadership, because all those different parts need a caring, loving, wise, compassionate, curious leader – which is you.

For me, this work represents the next step in the evolution of coaching – one that honours our complexity, brings compassion to our inner world, and helps us stand in true self-leadership.

Are you curious what parts are showing up for you? Would you like to experience this new generation of coaching for yourself? Let me know – I'd be happy to explore it with you.

Simply email me at coaching@martaabramska.com